Cinematic Chronicles

During May 2026, I watched 16 movies in theaters using my Regal Unlimited subscription. From major releases like Michael and The Mandalorian and Grogu to smaller independent films such as Saccharine  and Is God Is , here's my ranking of every movie I saw this month, from worst to best. If you missed it, check out my April 2026 movie rankings where I reviewed Hokum, The Drama, and other theatrical releases. Warning: there are minimal spoilers ahead. 16. Animal Farm  ★☆☆☆☆ If George Orwell wasn't already rolling in his grave watching 2026 unfold... We've seen Andy Serkis do incredible things with roles in franchises like  The Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and even the Marvel Cinematic Universe . And now we've seen him disrespect George Orwell with a   "retelling" of Animal Farm that introduces a new protagonist and completely misses the message of the original story. It's one thing to modernize a plot, or even make complex themes more palatable for childr...

Over the past 30 days, I saw 10 films in theatre using my Regal Unlimited subscription.  Here's my assessment of this latest batch of cinematic offerings. Warning: there are spoilers ahead. 10. Mother Mary Anne Hathaway: pop diva or demon exorcist? The question you might ask is why this cult film about a fictional pop star was released alongside a film about perhaps the greatest pop star in history. Truthfully, I am yet to see Michael in theatres, but can confirm  Mother Mary is lacking in substance. The story is told in a series of flashbacks. Mother Mary reunites with former stylist Sam (Michaela Coel) and the audience slowly uncovers missteps in both her career and personal relationships. Two hours later, I remained uninterested, as did the person snoring in the row behind me. 9. The Super Mario Galaxy Movie Pure chaos. Still lacking substance.  Admittedly, I'm not well-versed on the Super Mario universe, but I watched the 2023 incarnation first in hopes of gainin...

"And that's not even the best part. I got us tickets to see Ed Sheeran !" You know, a lot of people think Taylor Swift discovered him... Warning: there are spoilers ahead. Heavy on the Biblical motif, Meredith Alloway's 2026 film  Forbidden Fruits sees female leads Apple, Cherry, and Fig working (or perhaps more accurately, playing ) at Free Eden, a clothing store in a Texas mall. When the trio meet a food court worker named Pumpkin (Lola Tung), they invite her to stay and become part of their after-hour coven -- conducting rituals in the store's basement, prohibiting relationships with men, and confessing their sins to the spirit of Marilyn Monroe. Pumpkin gifts the coven leader, Apple (Lili Reinhart), a doll containing a hidden camera to spy on the coven's activities, whilst a blissfully unaware Apple actually nicknames the doll "Marilyn". Her motive still unclear, Pumpkin continues to observe and collect information about Apple's micromanagem...

"Family reunions can be challenging."  As can killing immortal members of a Satanic cult, particularly when their names are written on a severed pig's head. Regal Theatres Monday's Mystery Movie (3/23) was revealed to be  They Will Kill You , co-written and directed by Russian filmmaker Kirill Sokolov. Warning: there are spoilers below. And above. Sokolov's 2026 film   tells the story of Asia and Maria Reaves, sisters who were separated after Asia shot their abusive father and was arrested, while Maria remained in his custody. A decade later, following her prison sentence, Asia arrives at "The Virgil" -- an exclusive, century-old building in New York that houses the wealthy and elite. Posing as a maid under a false identity, she introduces herself to building manager Lilith Woodhouse (Patricia Arquette), and is shown to her room. The conflict escalates quickly . While sleeping that night, Asia is ambushed by several masked introducers, who are surprised...

"Now we all have hepatitis." The long-anticipated sequel to 2018's I Can Only Imagine features John Michael Finley reprising his role as MercyMe lead vocalist Bart Millard. Warning: there are spoilers ahead. Following a significant time jump, "I Can Only Imagine" has become the most successful song in the history of Christian radio. Unfortunately, Bart struggles to navigate the complexities of his personal life, as a rigorous touring schedule repeatedly takes him away from his wife and their five children -- particularly their son Sam, who was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes following a childhood seizure. As the story unfolds, Sam begins to resent Bart for constantly nagging him over his blood sugar level, but as an aspiring musician himself, quickly agrees to join his father on the road for MercyMe's upcoming tour. Band manager Scott Brickell soon reveals fellow Christian singer Tim Timmons as the opening act for the tour. While on the road, Timmons takes a ...

"Fist my bump." In the film adaptation of Andy Weir's 2021 novel Project Hail Mary , science teacher Ryland Grace (Ryan Gosling) awakens from a coma aboard a spacecraft light years from Earth and realizes that he is the sole survivor on board. Warning: there are spoilers ahead. Over a span of two and a half hours, this film interweaves two separate narratives: Grace's current predicament up in space, and the events that led to his fateful journey. In the past timeline, scientists discover a microorganism known as Astrophage, whose increasing presence on the Sun threatens a disastrous global cooling on Earth. Government agent Eva Stratt recruits Grace and other scientists to study Astrophage, before unveiling her ultimate plan: "Project Hail Mary". Stratt intends to send a crew on a suicide mission to Tau Ceti, the only unaffected nearby star, aboard a spacecraft containing only enough fuel for a one-way trip. However, when an Astrophage-related mishap kills ...