Cinematic Chronicles

During May 2026, I watched 16 movies in theaters using my Regal Unlimited subscription. From major releases like Michael and The Mandalorian and Grogu to smaller independent films such as Saccharine  and Is God Is , here's my ranking of every movie I saw this month, from worst to best. If you missed it, check out my April 2026 movie rankings where I reviewed Hokum, The Drama, and other theatrical releases. Warning: there are minimal spoilers ahead. 16. Animal Farm  ★☆☆☆☆ If George Orwell wasn't already rolling in his grave watching 2026 unfold... We've seen Andy Serkis do incredible things with roles in franchises like  The Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and even the Marvel Cinematic Universe . And now we've seen him disrespect George Orwell with a   "retelling" of Animal Farm that introduces a new protagonist and completely misses the message of the original story. It's one thing to modernize a plot, or even make complex themes more palatable for childr...

Over the past 30 days, I saw 10 films in theatre using my Regal Unlimited subscription.  Here's my assessment of this latest batch of cinematic offerings. Warning: there are spoilers ahead. 10. Mother Mary Anne Hathaway: pop diva or demon exorcist? The question you might ask is why this cult film about a fictional pop star was released alongside a film about perhaps the greatest pop star in history. Truthfully, I am yet to see Michael in theatres, but can confirm  Mother Mary is lacking in substance. The story is told in a series of flashbacks. Mother Mary reunites with former stylist Sam (Michaela Coel) and the audience slowly uncovers missteps in both her career and personal relationships. Two hours later, I remained uninterested, as did the person snoring in the row behind me. 9. The Super Mario Galaxy Movie Pure chaos. Still lacking substance.  Admittedly, I'm not well-versed on the Super Mario universe, but I watched the 2023 incarnation first in hopes of gainin...

"Fist my bump." In the film adaptation of Andy Weir's 2021 novel Project Hail Mary , science teacher Ryland Grace (Ryan Gosling) awakens from a coma aboard a spacecraft light years from Earth and realizes that he is the sole survivor on board. Warning: there are spoilers ahead. Over a span of two and a half hours, this film interweaves two separate narratives: Grace's current predicament up in space, and the events that led to his fateful journey. In the past timeline, scientists discover a microorganism known as Astrophage, whose increasing presence on the Sun threatens a disastrous global cooling on Earth. Government agent Eva Stratt recruits Grace and other scientists to study Astrophage, before unveiling her ultimate plan: "Project Hail Mary". Stratt intends to send a crew on a suicide mission to Tau Ceti, the only unaffected nearby star, aboard a spacecraft containing only enough fuel for a one-way trip. However, when an Astrophage-related mishap kills ...

A film for those who think Lake Bell kinda sucks. Regal Theatres Monday's Mystery Movie (3/16) was revealed to be Fantasy Life , written and directed by Matthew Shear. Warning: there are spoilers ahead. Shear concurrently stars in the film as Sam, an anxious tax lawyer who pays a visit to his therapist after being let go from his job. As Sam exits the office, his therapist's wife/secretary suggests that he babysit their granddaughters. Her son David and his wife Dianne have three daughters between the ages of 6 and 11, and at a generous rate of $300 per night, this setup might have worked well for Sam -- had he not fallen for Dianne (Amanda Peet). Dianne is a former actress who has lost her sense of purpose following a decade of unemployment. When Sam enters her life, she finally feels seen again. Meanwhile, her husband David is portrayed as an alcoholic, wanna-be rockstar who leaves the continent on tour and practically thrusts his wife into the arms of their "manny...

Who doesn't love a self-aware animated film? "Guys, this is like Avatar !" exclaims Mabel Tanaka, protagonist of Daniel Chong's  Hoppers . "This is nothing like Avatar !" cries Dr. Sam in response. Spoiler alert... it was kind of like Avatar . Warning: there are actual spoilers ahead . Pixar's latest installment revolves around a teenage girl with a particular affinity for animals.  Inspired by her late grandmother, Mabel seeks to protect a nearby glade from being destroyed by (perceived antagonist) Mayor Jerry's freeway project.  After discovering experimental technology allowing a human mind to “hop” into a robotic animal body, Mabel transfers her consciousness into a robotic beaver and decides to live among the animals to better understand their society. While in disguise, she befriends Mammal King George and helps unite a variety of species in the forest while battling a guilty conscience about her true identity. In this film's climax, the a...