Cinematic Chronicles

During August 2026, I watched 11 new movies in theaters using my Regal Unlimited subscription. Here's my ranking of every movie I saw this month, from worst to best. If you missed it, check out my July 2026 movie rankings where I reviewed The Odyssey ,  Spider-Man: Brand New Day , and other theatrical releases. Warning: there are minimal spoilers ahead. 11. Buddy ★☆☆☆☆ "You love Buddy. Yes, you do. And I love each one of you." Where do I even begin with Buddy ? The marketing for this film? Brilliant. The premise itself? Captivating. Think Barney, except instead of a purple dinosaur, he’s an orange unicorn who turns violent whenever the children disobey him. On paper, it's the kind of absurd horror-comedy that practically writes itself. Unfortunately, the execution was sorely lacking. Far too many scenes felt as though they existed purely for shock value rather than because they served the story. At times, it seemed as though the writers simply plugged the plot into C...

During July 2026, I watched 8 new movies in theatres using my Regal Unlimited subscription. From major releases like Spider-Man: Brand New Day and  The Odyssey to smaller films such as The Invite and  Gail Daughtry and the Celebrity Sex Pass , here's my ranking of every movie I saw this month, from worst to best. If you missed it, check out my June 2026 movie rankings where I reviewed Disclosure Day , Toy Story 5 , and other theatrical releases. Warning: there are minimal spoilers ahead. 8. Minions & Monsters ★★⯪☆☆ "Ah, James. Rolls off the face tendrils." After sixteen years of avoiding this franchise, I finally sat through all six films in preparation for Minions & Monsters  — only for Illumination to release a completely unrelated prequel instead. In my estimation, this is the worst installment in the series to date. The studio took a bold swing by cramming a children's movie with references to classic cinema. Bolder still were the painfully on-the-nose a...

During June 2026, I watched 12 new movies in theatres using my Regal Unlimited subscription. From major releases like Toy Story 5 and Disclosure Day to smaller films such as Leviticus and Power Ballad , here's my ranking of every movie I saw this month, from worst to best. If you missed it, check out my May 2026 movie rankings where I reviewed Obsession, Michael, and other theatrical releases. Warning: there are minimal spoilers ahead. 12. Scary Movie 6 ★☆☆☆☆ "Should we hug?" "I really want to, but I'm a Republican now, so I'm supposed to be racist." When you watch a film trailer, you might expect it to be assembled as a highlight reel that drives people to their local theatre. What you might not expect, however, is for the only halfway amusing jokes in Scary Movie 6  to be included in its trailer. Critics will be skeptical of some "anti-woke" dialogue, questioning potential racism and/or transphobia. Social injustices aside, I was simply h...

During May 2026, I watched 16 movies in theaters using my Regal Unlimited subscription. From major releases like Michael and The Mandalorian and Grogu to smaller independent films such as Saccharine  and Is God Is , here's my ranking of every movie I saw this month, from worst to best. If you missed it, check out my April 2026 movie rankings where I reviewed Hokum, The Drama, and other theatrical releases. Warning: there are minimal spoilers ahead. 16. Animal Farm  ★☆☆☆☆ If George Orwell wasn't already rolling in his grave watching 2026 unfold... We've seen Andy Serkis do incredible things with roles in franchises like  The Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and even the Marvel Cinematic Universe . And now we've seen him disrespect George Orwell with a   "retelling" of Animal Farm that introduces a new protagonist and completely misses the message of the original story. It's one thing to modernize a plot, or even make complex themes more palatable for childr...

"Now we all have hepatitis." The long-anticipated sequel to 2018's I Can Only Imagine features John Michael Finley reprising his role as MercyMe lead vocalist Bart Millard. Warning: there are spoilers ahead. Following a significant time jump, "I Can Only Imagine" has become the most successful song in the history of Christian radio. Unfortunately, Bart struggles to navigate the complexities of his personal life, as a rigorous touring schedule repeatedly takes him away from his wife and their five children -- particularly their son Sam, who was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes following a childhood seizure. As the story unfolds, Sam begins to resent Bart for constantly nagging him over his blood sugar level, but as an aspiring musician himself, quickly agrees to join his father on the road for MercyMe's upcoming tour. Band manager Scott Brickell soon reveals fellow Christian singer Tim Timmons as the opening act for the tour. While on the road, Timmons takes a ...

On June 11, 2021, Maroon 5 delighted fans across the globe with the release of their seventh studio album,  Jordi -- a tribute to the band's late manager Jordan Feldstein, who passed away in 2017. While the band's fanbase has been generally receptive of their latest effort, Maroon 5 critics provide mixed reviews at best, scrutinizing the group once again for producing "depthless" pop music, and describing the album as "lackluster" and "forgettable". Nonetheless,  Jordi would quickly garner international success on brand name alone, as Maroon 5 remains one of the most well-known ensembles in the world. With two months now firmly in the rearview, here's a look at the Spotify play count of all 14 tracks on  Jordi 's deluxe edition, arranged by popularity. 1. Memories (1,235,564,787 streams) 2. Beautiful Mistakes (244,091,342 streams) 3. Nobody's Love (132,862,809 streams) 4. Lifestyle (95,293,396 streams) 5. Lost (31,675,612 streams) 6. E...

One year ago today, I had the opportunity to see my childhood idol in concert for the second time, as Avril Lavigne took the stage at Fox Theater in Oakland, California for the third show of her "Head Above Water Tour". Anticipation of the evening began a year prior (in September 2018), as Lavigne announced her triumph over Lyme disease by releasing the title track for her upcoming sixth studio album: "Head Above Water". This was a very personal song for Lavigne, as it was written during a vulnerable time in which she spent two years bedridden. In an interview with Billboard magazine, she said, " I was in bed for [expletive] two years. It's a bug - a spirochete - so you take these antibiotics, and they start killing it. But it's a smart bug: it morphs into a cystic form, so you have to take other antibiotics at the same time. It went undiagnosed for so long that I was kind of [expletive]." Thankfully for Lavigne and her family, friends, and fans...

In the past few weeks, I've ranked Maroon 5's " Red Pill Blues ", Taylor Swift's " folklore ", and Paramore's " After Laughter ". However, this has easily been my most challenging album ranking to date. Before I dive right into it (see what I did there?), I'd like to confess that I don't listen to many of the featured artists on this album; thus, I'm mainly assessing it through the lens of Sheeran's discography. And now, as they say in the UK, off we go... 15. BLOW I sincerely wish I could rationalize my ranking of "BLOW". On this track, Ed Sheeran experiments with the rock genre, which should be extremely exciting. He also features a pair of artists that I admire immensely in Chris Stapleton and Bruno Mars. So what's the issue? Aside from simply being caught off-guard by a new sound, I feel that overwhelming instrumentation somewhat negates the vocals of three phenomenal singers here. Nonetheless, it's ...

Following the relative success of my rankings of Taylor Swift's " folklore " and Maroon 5's " Red Pill Blues ", I've decided to make these posts a semi-regular occurrence.  As I've followed Paramore religiously for over a decade, this one seemed like the next logical choice. Without further adieu, let's dive into Paramore's 2017 release entitled "After Laughter", an album that saw the band adopt an entirely new sound. 12. No Friend Three years have passed and I still don't fully understand what "No Friend" is, but I'm not convinced it's a rankable song. It sounds more like a dramatic reading of a poem drowned out by one of Paramore's jam sessions. Congrats, Aaron Weiss? In any case, please let me know if there's more I can give you. 11. Idle Worship Perhaps suffering from being linked to "No Friend" in such an inseparable way, something about this track is just a tad unsettling. From its ...

On July 24, global superstar Taylor Swift released her second album in as many years, surprising even her most loyal fans with 16 new tracks into which she "poured [her] whims, dreams, fears, and musings". Swift's eighth studio album, entitled "folklore", was met with widespread praise, criticism, and an unprecedented amount of comparisons to her previous work. Written and recorded amidst the COVID-19 pandemic, this album saw the perennial pop icon stray from nearly a decade of chart-topping hits, taking a more understated artistic approach instead. Six weeks following the release of "folklore", I have decided to retract my initial rankings in favor of a refined blog post, including Swift's bonus track entitled "the lakes". I'll preface my discussion by saying this: ranking any album from top to bottom is an incredibly difficult and perpetually impermanent feat. 17. hoax (⬇️ originally 16) While Swift's vivid lyricism remains...