Cinematic Chronicles

"Family reunions can be challenging."  As can killing immortal members of a Satanic cult, particularly when their names are written on a severed pig's head. Regal Theatres Monday's Mystery Movie (3/23) was revealed to be  They Will Kill You , co-written and directed by Russian filmmaker Kirill Sokolov. Warning: there are spoilers below. And above. Sokolov's 2026 film   tells the story of Asia and Maria Reaves, sisters who were separated after Asia shot their abusive father and was arrested, while Maria remained in his custody. A decade later, following her prison sentence, Asia arrives at "The Virgil" -- an exclusive, century-old building in New York that houses the wealthy and elite. Posing as a maid under a false identity, she introduces herself to building manager Lilith Woodhouse (Patricia Arquette), and is shown to her room. The conflict escalates quickly . While sleeping that night, Asia is ambushed by several masked introducers, who are surprised...

"Now we all have hepatitis." The long-anticipated sequel to 2018's I Can Only Imagine features John Michael Finley reprising his role as MercyMe lead vocalist Bart Millard. Warning: there are spoilers ahead. Following a significant time jump, "I Can Only Imagine" has become the most successful song in the history of Christian radio. Unfortunately, Bart struggles to navigate the complexities of his personal life, as a rigorous touring schedule repeatedly takes him away from his wife and their five children -- particularly their son Sam, who was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes following a childhood seizure. As the story unfolds, Sam begins to resent Bart for constantly nagging him over his blood sugar level, but as an aspiring musician himself, quickly agrees to join his father on the road for MercyMe's upcoming tour. Band manager Scott Brickell soon reveals fellow Christian singer Tim Timmons as the opening act for the tour. While on the road, Timmons takes a ...

"Fist my bump." In the film adaptation of Andy Weir's 2021 novel Project Hail Mary , science teacher Ryland Grace (Ryan Gosling) awakens from a coma aboard a spacecraft light years from Earth and realizes that he is the sole survivor on board. Warning: there are spoilers ahead. Over a span of two and a half hours, this film interweaves two separate narratives: Grace's current predicament up in space, and the events that led to his fateful journey. In the past timeline, scientists discover a microorganism known as Astrophage, whose increasing presence on the Sun threatens a disastrous global cooling on Earth. Government agent Eva Stratt recruits Grace and other scientists to study Astrophage, before unveiling her ultimate plan: "Project Hail Mary". Stratt intends to send a crew on a suicide mission to Tau Ceti, the only unaffected nearby star, aboard a spacecraft containing only enough fuel for a one-way trip. However, when an Astrophage-related mishap kills ...

"I don't need tips because my fake boyfriend, Derek, makes bank." If you weren't satisfied with Grace MacCaullay outlasting her husband and his entire family in that initial, twisted game of "Hide and Seek", Samara Weaving is back to reprise her role seven years later -- as several elite families attempt to murder Grace and her estranged sister, Faith. Warning: there are spoilers ahead. Following Grace's unlikely victory on her wedding night -- and the subsequent demise of the entire Le Domas family -- the remaining members of an elite Council reunite with a simple goal in mind: kill Grace before dawn to acquire the High Seat and a mysterious ring of power. Elijah Wood enters the fray as "The Lawyer", explaining the rules of this new game to the remaining family members (because nobody knows more about mysterious rings than that man). Contenders for the High Seat include siblings Ursula and Titus Danforth, Wan Chen Xing, Viraj Rajan, Ignacio El...

"I should probably go." "You should probably stay." Colleen Hoover's Reminders of Him tells the story of Kenna Rowan (Maika Monroe), a young woman who seeks to reconnect with her daughter after serving a prison sentence. Warning: there are spoilers ahead. After pleading guilty to vehicular manslaughter for an accident resulting in the death of her boyfriend, Scotty Landry, Kenna is forced to spend half a decade in prison. Upon her release, she moves back to her hometown in hopes of finally meeting her five-year-old daughter Diem, who is being raised by Scotty's parents. Kenna ultimately stumbles into a bar where she finally meets Ledger Ward (Tyriq Withers), Scotty's lifelong best friend who was an NFL player during their relationship. When Ledger realizes Kenna's true identity, he is furious -- blaming her for Scotty's death, he refuses to introduce her to Diem. However, a series of flashbacks soon reveal that Scotty's death was, indeed , an...

A film for those who think Lake Bell kinda sucks. Regal Theatres Monday's Mystery Movie (3/16) was revealed to be Fantasy Life , written and directed by Matthew Shear. Warning: there are spoilers ahead. Shear concurrently stars in the film as Sam, an anxious tax lawyer who pays a visit to his therapist after being let go from his job. As Sam exits the office, his therapist's wife/secretary suggests that he babysit their granddaughters. Her son David and his wife Dianne have three daughters between the ages of 6 and 11, and at a generous rate of $300 per night, this setup might have worked well for Sam -- had he not fallen for Dianne (Amanda Peet). Dianne is a former actress who has lost her sense of purpose following a decade of unemployment. When Sam enters her life, she finally feels seen again. Meanwhile, her husband David is portrayed as an alcoholic, wanna-be rockstar who leaves the continent on tour and practically thrusts his wife into the arms of their "manny...

So you want to catch a movie released on Friday the 13th . . . In an era of horror dominated by jump scares, Ian Tuason's Undertone is a minimalistic film that relies almost entirely on sound and unconventional camera shots to create an unsettling atmosphere. The protagonist of this story is Evangeline "Evy" Babig (played by Nina Kiri), who runs a horror podcast alongside her off-screen friend Justin (Adam DiMarco). Warning: there are spoilers ahead . As the plot develops, Justin receives an anonymous email containing ten audio files, recorded by an unknown couple -- Mike and Jessa.  Mike has recorded Jessa at night to capture evidence of her talking and singing in her sleep.  During their podcast, Evy and Justin begin playing these recordings in reverse to uncover secret messages within Jessa's ramblings. Mike, kill all. Lick the blood off. Come in, Abyzou. In her breaks from podcasting, Evy has been tasked with caring for her comatose mother. She feels very guilty a...

Who doesn't love a self-aware animated film? "Guys, this is like Avatar !" exclaims Mabel Tanaka, protagonist of Daniel Chong's  Hoppers . "This is nothing like Avatar !" cries Dr. Sam in response. Spoiler alert... it was kind of like Avatar . Warning: there are actual spoilers ahead . Pixar's latest installment revolves around a teenage girl with a particular affinity for animals.  Inspired by her late grandmother, Mabel seeks to protect a nearby glade from being destroyed by (perceived antagonist) Mayor Jerry's freeway project.  After discovering experimental technology allowing a human mind to “hop” into a robotic animal body, Mabel transfers her consciousness into a robotic beaver and decides to live among the animals to better understand their society. While in disguise, she befriends Mammal King George and helps unite a variety of species in the forest while battling a guilty conscience about her true identity. In this film's climax, the a...

Regal Theatres present Monday's Mystery Movie: Horror Edition (3/9) .  For just $5, fans gain access to a movie before its official release date, with the sole caveat being that the film remains a mystery to all until house lights are dimmed. This week's film was revealed to be  Slanted , starring Shirley Chen and Mckenna Grace.  Warning: there are spoilers ahead. Written and directed by Amy Wang, Slanted tells the story of an insecure Chinese-American girl who undergoes experimental ethnic modification surgery to appear white. As the story progresses, our protagonist Joan Huang becomes Jo Hunt in an effort to gain peer acceptance and be voted Prom Queen -- to the exasperation of both her parents and best friend. While there are elements of horror, specifically in the film's final scene as Joan frantically attempts to tear off her new face, it was tough as an audience member to shake the expectation of a horror film and adjust to this Disneyesque story about societal pres...

Reimagine Bride of Frankenstein . Make it quirky. Make it intriguing. And then make it drag somewhat aimlessly for over two hours. Welcome to 2026 cinema. Warning: there are spoilers ahead . Written and directed by Maggie Gyllenhaal, The Bride! stars Jessie Buckley and Christian Bale, both of whom give strong performances despite an often convoluted and purposeless narrative. The film's premise is simple enough: a lonely Frankenstein approaches Dr. Euphronius with the request to create a suitable companion for him. Together, they decide to dig up and reanimate a corpse.  Bring Ida to life. Evanescence would approve, right? Throughout the film, the pair are pursued intently by law enforcement for a variety of crimes, including (but not limited to) Ida's choice to bite a police officer's tongue out of his mouth, à la Rick Grimes. Ultimately, "Frank" proposes to Ida, the reanimated corpse of his life, but his proposal is rejected moments before he is fatally shot in...

Ghostface is back .  "Show me four popcorn right now, or you're dead." (A little humor for those who have played Funko's Scream party game.) Warning: there are spoilers ahead . In the latest installment of the Scream franchise, Sidney Prescott has built a new life for herself in Pine Grove, Indiana. She is married to a police officer and has a teenage daughter named Tatum, who will quickly become the focal point of Ghostface's attacks. As typical of a Scream film, a slew of innocent people are murdered in brutal fashion to build tension that our protagonist or other beloved franchise staples could be next. (McKenna Grace characters really can't catch a break in these films lately.) We are actually treated to three Ghostface killers in this edition, as Gale Weathers makes her dramatic entrance by running over the first masked man with her car -- a former mental institute patient by the name of Karl Gibbs. As the film progresses, it is ultimately revealed that...

Nothing quite says "welcome to the blog" like a review of some run-of-the-mill slasher film. Alexa, play "Psycho Killer" by Talking Heads. Written by Andrew Kevin Walker and directed by Gavin Polone, Psycho Killer tells the story of a police officer (portrayed by Georgina Campbell) who tracks down a serial killer after witnessing her husband's violent murder while on duty. Richard Joshua Reeves (The Slasher) is a Satanist who slaughters a number of people in a variety of graphic ways throughout the film, including a pharmacist to fuel his drug addiction, and a priest whose blood he drinks quite vigorously. Charming. Reeves is able to maneuver in anonymity as the public believes that he died many years prior, having reportedly been shot by a prison guard he attacked while on death row (for -- you guessed it -- mass murder). His ultimate mission this time around? To destroy a nuclear power plant in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania in a suicide mission that is said to ...

I've been looking for ways to revamp my blog for quite a while now, and then it hit me... I am a Regal Unlimited member. No, this isn't a shameless plug for Regal Theatres. However, I have already seen 17 films in the cinema in 2026. Here is that list: Cold Storage Crime 101 Dracula GOAT Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die How To Make A Killing Iron Lung Marty Supreme Mercy Primate Send Help Solo Mio Song Sung Blue The SpongeBob Movie: Search for SquarePants This Is Not A Test Whistle Wuthering Heights Why not reflect and share my opinions on each of these experiences? Enter Cinematic Chronicles . With each new movie I catch, I will provide a brief synopsis, some thoughts on the film, and a ranking on a scale from 1 to 10. I'm not a movie critic by any means, but if you were half as bored as I was during Iron Lung , this blog might be for you. Feel free to fill up my comment section like Jett Fillmore fills up the hoop during the Roarball postseason. Happy watching!

In July 2016, the Harry Potter fandom received a highly-anticipated gift -- the release of a sequel to the original series:  Harry Potter and the Cursed Child . Like millions across the globe, I found myself extremely excited for the first new Harry Potter story since 2007.  As I was unable to travel to London to witness the play, I drove to my local target on July 31 and purchased the script in its written form. In case anyone is still unaware, this story was not meant to be enjoyed via words on a page. While those who attend the live-action production of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child  tend to cite its stunning visual effects and overlook an unfulfilling plot, the written format feels more like an intriguing fanfiction. Here are five examples of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child losing the narrative integrity of Rowling's original series. 1. Delphini "Diggory" If you're unfamiliar with this story and do not wish to have it spoiled, now would be a good time to st...

On June 26, 1997,  Harry Potter creator J.K. Rowling introduced the world to a remarkable new sport called Quidditch. In theory, Rowling's invention is fairly simple. For those who are unfamiliar with the game, I will provide a brief description of its rules.  Quidditch is played in a 7-on-7 format on flying broomsticks. Each team features three "Chasers" who attempt to throw a large ball (called the Quaffle) past the opposing team's "Keeper" into one of three circular hoops.  Every time the Chasers succeed in beating the Keeper, their team is awarded 10 points. Meanwhile, there are a pair of bat-wielding "Beaters" on each team who add to the chaos by clubbing two smaller balls (called Bludgers) at their opposition. However, the most important position on the field is that of the "Seeker", which is Harry Potter's position on Gryffindor's Quidditch team during his time at Hogwarts.  Each team has one Seeker who scours t...

Lumos. As I have not written an article about the Harry Potter universe since my assessment of fandom shipping in 2017, I thought it might be time to dust off my old spellbooks and get to work. What better way to ease back into this marvelous realm than with a complete ranking of the wizarding school's infamously cursed teaching position? From 1991 to 1998, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry saw seven "Defence Against the Dark Arts" Professors instruct its students. And here are my rankings. 7. Dolores Umbridge Placing Umbridge last has to be a controversial pick given some of the horribly evil instructors who shared this position with her throughout the 1990s. However, her character is absolutely intolerable. In Harry's fifth year at Hogwarts, Umbridge refuses to allow her students any hands-on practice with spells, denies the return of Lord Voldemort, and subjects our favorite protagonist to cruel and unusual punishment. While her movie depiction is quite a...

The origins of "Spider-Man" can be traced back to the year of 1962, when Stan Lee and Steve Ditko's masked hero first made an appearance in an anthology comic book by the name of Amazing Fantasy #15 . Since that fateful release, Spider-Man has been plastered everywhere: from comics to novels, coloring books to video games, records to multiple waves of television series', and perhaps most notably, on the big screen. In many ways, however, Spider-Man's true overexposure began in the spring of 2002, when Marvel's genetically-altered superhero took to the cinema for the very first time. This release, pitting Tobey Maguire's "Spider-Man" against Willem Dafoe's "Green Goblin", would open the franchise up to an immeasurable world of possibilities. Following rather overwhelming commercial success, Tobey Maguire reprised his role as Spider-Man in "Spider-Man 2" (2004) and "Spider-Man 3" (2007), defeating numerous villa...

Among the most popular fictional realms explored in literature, one may find J.K. Rowling's "Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry". At Hogwarts, there are hundreds of young witches and wizards in training, clinging to the ultimate goal of leaving a lasting impact on the wizarding world. However, in watching these students mature, the Harry Potter fan base cannot seem to help themselves from "shipping" (or supporting romantic partnerships between) any random combination of two characters in the Potterverse. Perhaps the most inexplicably popular "ship" is the notion that protagonist Harry Potter should have been tied to long-time friend Hermione Granger. Admittedly, throughout the series, Harry and Hermione seemed to share a very deep intellectual and emotional connection. However, in thorough analysis of their relationship, most will come to the conclusion that the pair were simply very good friends, while Hermione's heart ultimately belong...

Generally inspired by an unpleasant Chemistry instructor whom J.K. Rowling was forced to endure during her time in secondary school, Professor Severus Snape is amongst the most intriguing of characters in the Harry Potter world. In many ways, Severus Snape acts as the catalyst for the entire series, as it is he who initially informs Lord Voldemort of the prophecy involving a boy who is to become the Dark Lord's downfall (which consequently leads to the death of Lily and James Potter, as well as the first disappearance of “You-Know-Who” himself). However, Snape's impact is much more widespread than on this specific occasion -- rather, the reader spends essentially the entire duration of the series struggling to decipher where his loyalties truly remain. In essence, as the reader becomes more familiar with Snape's character, they also become more confused in regards to his allegiance.  From the onset, J.K. Rowling places Snape in a quite shady role. The reader can...

O n November 15, 2002, almost a full year after the release of the first Harry Potter film, hardcore Potter fans across the globe would finally receive what they had spent four agonizing years awaiting: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets was coming to the Big Screen. Much as the first film was quite similar to the novel, the film for Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets remained very faithful to J.K. Rowling’s second masterpiece. However, there were (of course) still quite a few omissions, and general liberties taken by the filmmakers, which is why I have dedicated my time to analyzing the differences and creating yet another blog post (I’m sorry . . . or perhaps, you’re welcome). As this novel seems to have even more differences of greater significance than its predecessor, I shall attempt to refrain from stressing the utterly pointless, minor details. (No promises . . .) Once again, I will reiterate that I am not suggesting that there is anything necessarily ...