Why Quidditch Is Totally Ridiculous (Yet We Still Love It)

On June 26, 1997, Harry Potter creator J.K. Rowling introduced the world to a remarkable new sport called Quidditch.

In theory, Rowling's invention is fairly simple. For those who are unfamiliar with the game, I will provide a brief description of its rules. 

Quidditch is played in a 7-on-7 format on flying broomsticks.

Each team features three "Chasers" who attempt to throw a large ball (called the Quaffle) past the opposing team's "Keeper" into one of three circular hoops. 

Every time the Chasers succeed in beating the Keeper, their team is awarded 10 points.

Meanwhile, there are a pair of bat-wielding "Beaters" on each team who add to the chaos by clubbing two smaller balls (called Bludgers) at their opposition.

However, the most important position on the field is that of the "Seeker", which is Harry Potter's position on Gryffindor's Quidditch team during his time at Hogwarts. 

Each team has one Seeker who scours the Quidditch pitch for a tiny, winged ball (called the Golden Snitch). 

The Seeker who catches the Snitch immediately ends the game and secures 150 points for his/her team.

This is the first obvious problem with Quidditch.

In tallying points, catching the Golden Snitch is equal to 15 scores of the Quaffle, which essentially means that 12 of the 14 players on a Quidditch pitch are killing time while the Seekers fight for their club's victory.

Admittedly, in the 1994 Quidditch World Cup, Viktor Krum caught the Snitch for Bulgaria and they still lost to Ireland by 10 points (170-160).

Nonetheless, such instances are incredibly rare, and it seems rather unjust for one position to hold such a remarkable amount of influence on the game.

In October 2018, Rowling attempted to refute this claim via Twitter, writing: "It makes total sense. There's glamour in chasing an elusive lucky break, but teamwork and persistence can still win the day. Everyone's vulnerable to blows of fate and obstructive people, and success means rising above them. Quidditch is the human condition. You're welcome."

As much as I want to agree with her, I'm not sure I'm fully on board with this statement. Needless to say, 21 years is a long time to come up with an excuse for a poorly executed scoring system.

Another obvious problem with Quidditch is that it has a completely unpredictable "runtime". 

Theoretically, a Seeker could catch the Golden Snitch long before the Chasers have had time to tally 15 goals ... or long after.

As Oliver Wood explains to Harry in his first year at Hogwarts, "A game of Quidditch only ends when the Snitch is caught, so it can go on for ages — I think the record is three months, they had to keep bringing on substitutes so the players could get some sleep."

Such unpredictability is totally impractical for everyone involved. Imagine buying a ticket to an event that could last three minutes or three months.

The final obvious problem that I will address is the way that Quidditch is handled at Hogwarts.

We'll bypass the glaring health concerns in a sport played by 11-to-17 year olds to discuss scheduling and the manner in which the Quidditch Cup is awarded.

During a typical Hogwarts school year, each House plays one match against every other House. The order is as follows:

1. Gryffindor versus Slytherin

2. Hufflepuff versus Ravenclaw

3. Ravenclaw versus Slytherin

4. Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff

5. Hufflepuff versus Slytherin

6. Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw

For those who are familiar with the series, it's immediately evident that Gryffindor and Slytherin have the largest rivalry; thus, I would argue that those two Houses should play on the final day of the season.

Furthermore, despite the possibility that Houses may tie in the standings (with so few games played), Rowling chose to forgo a Championship match and have the tiebreaker determined by number of points scored throughout the season. If I'm being honest, doing so kills a lot of the intrigue and seems like a "rookie move".

Perhaps it is my analytical Ravenclaw brain that cannot let these inadequacies slide.

On a more positive note, I thoroughly enjoy reading about the British and Irish Quidditch League, which features 13 canonically accepted teams with alliteration-happy names. It's truly a shame that the league wasn't more largely involved during the series.

Additionally, the hype is absolutely palpable for first-time readers of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban as Gryffindor seeks to win their first Quidditch Cup in eight years.

Overall, Quidditch is (obviously) a fictional game with rules and regulations that have little real-world bearing.

However, the creation of this sport has inspired hundreds of actual Quidditch teams across the globe (minus any flying broomsticks).

It's engaging competition for talented athletes and simply deserved a bit of fine-tuning to compete with the impeccable attention to detail that Rowling provided the rest of her iconic series.

Despite its obvious flaws, one mustn't tell lies -- Quidditch is very lovable and should be explored further in future Harry Potter media.

What are your thoughts on Quidditch?

Feel free to let me know in the comments section below and don't forget to "Subscribe" for future post notifications :)