I Miss Maroon 5 -- Ranking "Red Pill Blues"

Maroon 5...

A band with more than five members.

A band largely carried by the overwhelming success of its frontman.

A band that has continually managed to produce chart-topping hits for the better part of two decades, despite maintaining a polarizing presence within the realm of pop culture due to its ever-evolving sound.

So what is this band: funk, soul, rock, pop?

Perhaps guitarist James Valentine explained their efforts best in a 2018 interview with Billboard, stating, "The last few records have been more electronic in their production, but at the end of the day we're a rock band. So we get in a room and figure out how to take some of the electronic elements and flesh 'em out with real instruments and interface some of the studio sounds with the raw elements of a rock band, which can be a challenge sometimes ... I think that's what makes it unique and what people really enjoy about the live experience. We always tread the studio differently than a live gig. We craft those records for the radio, but live we want to give it a different experience."

On a personal note, inspired by their 2020 release "Nobody's Love" and in lieu of witnessing their aforementioned live show for the third time this summer, I've decided to rank their 2017 album "Red Pill Blues" in its entirety.

Let me preface my discussion by saying this: I love every Maroon 5 era. In my eyes, even the band's lowest ranking tracks deserve more praise than many popular artists of the 21st century. However, I have never done anything like this before and am by no means a music critic. I've simply attempted to provide some sort of justification for my rankings listed below. Bear with me.

Assuming girls like you and guys like me are still reading, here we go...

15. Plastic Rose

I like this song. I do. Unfortunately, it perfectly embodies the reason many people dislike Maroon 5 now. It's auto-tuned pop music, seeking to appeal to Generation Z and completely abandoning their "Songs About Jane" sound. The track's bridge serves as its saving grace, but insufficiently in keeping it from coming in last on my list.

14. Help Me Out

I truly wish I had a better explanation for ranking this one so low. I've seen Julia Michaels live twice and wholeheartedly appreciate her work. Furthermore, her voice blends exceptionally well with Levine's. For whatever reason, this track simply never caught on. Perhaps it's the pre-chorus high notes that render it completely "unsingable". If nothing else, "Help Me Out" explores a completely fresh lane for the band musically.

13. Bet My Heart

Per usual, Levine's upper register shines in the chorus of this catchy little album track. You can never really lose betting your heart on a Maroon 5 song. However, there's nothing exactly unique here that breaks the mold too exceptionally, forcing this one toward the bottom of my rankings.

12. Closure

The song itself (lasting about 3 minutes) is quite fun, albeit predictable. It's not hard to appreciate what the band is trying to do here, closing the album with a track called "Closure" and an extended jam session. Having seen them live twice, I can confidently say that their musicianship is underrated, and thus, this effort serves as a friendly reminder that Maroon 5 isn't simply the Adam Levine show. However, I'm not sure I needed an outro lasting 8 1/2 minutes.

11. Don't Wanna Know

The chorus starts to sound repetitive. The chorus starts to sound repetitive. The chorus starts to sound repetitive. In all seriousness, this track will endure amongst the band's competing radio hits, and likely ranks much higher if you take Levine's ad-libs from live performances into consideration. Furthermore, the music video is still amusing nearly four years later, but the question remains: where was Kendrick Lamar?

10. Visions

Co-written by members of Dirty Heads, this track was never intended to land on a Maroon 5 album, but quickly emerged as a welcome addition to their catalog nonetheless. It's very vibey, if there's a way to use that term without sounding pretentious. Props to Levine for snagging this one.

9. What Lovers Do

Is there a lot of substance here lyrically? Of course not. Nonetheless, the hook is immediately catchy and SZA's feature fits really well. When Maroon 5 returned to the studio seeking to produce a new single for their upcoming album, they emerged with a solid pop song to kick off their Red Pill Blues tour setlist.

8. Cold

In a word: broody. It's hard to say why I'm so drawn to the driving bass tones and Levine singing about relationship struggles as he's happily married with a newborn. Regardless, the inclusion of Future on this track provides yet another example of a successful crossover hit for the band. I'll put it in the middle of the pack.

7. Girls Like You

Admittedly, this song may have landed higher had I ranked the album in November 2017. However, the 2018 re-release featuring Cardi B, coupled with its incessant airplay, certainly tarnished the track a bit for me. All the same, the "Girls Like You" music video quickly bolstered this tune into the category of feminist anthem and potentially saved "Red Pill Blues" from flopping. Sorry Maroon 5, you'll never be able to tour again without including this one in your setlist.

6. Lips On You

Though not technically explicit, this risqué jam perhaps deserves an NSFW label. Regardless, the track sets an entirely different mood than its predecessors filling a similar lane in the band's history (such as "Kiwi") and remains extremely effective in accomplishing its goal. I've never heard Levine's vocals sound quite so ethereal.

5. Best 4 U

It's been almost three years and I still feel that the band missed an opportunity for a hit single here. Perhaps marred by drug and alcohol references in the verses, this track explores Levine's lower register in an unprecedented way and sets the tone well for a rather eclectic album. Oh well. I just want the best for you, Maroon 5.

4. Wait

Easily my favorite amongst the five Red Pill Blues singles. Let's be clear: I'm not calling this track innovative by any means. Admittedly, it's probably too formulaic for more reputable critics. Nonetheless, Levine returns to singing about lost love here, and isn't that what everyone wants from him? Maybe we're selfish, but I'd label it as comfortable, rather than sadistic.

3. Who I Am

Perhaps the most feel-good song of the album, this track was an instantaneous favorite, no adjustment period necessary. It's incredibly smooth and fun. Never will I ever press skip. Nonetheless, I'm fairly confident LunchMoney Lewis could have produced a stronger feature lyrically. "Kiss ya, kiss ya, kiss ya. Hug ya, hug ya, hug ya. Look into your eyes, and I see the ocean." If that's who he is, I think I'll pass.

2. Denim Jacket

This is the equivalent of your favorite Bachelor reaching the final week of his journey and having to make the impossible decision of sending someone he loves home. Brutal. "Denim Jacket" is an all-time great resting harmlessly on the deluxe version of this album. Even I miss her and that denim jacket. And I don't even know who we're talking about.

1. Whiskey

Well, here we are. I played this track on an endless loop during its time as a promotional single, and it remains perhaps the most chill-inducing song on the album, proving that sometimes there's beauty to be found in simplicity. Although "Red Pill Blues" often feels feature-heavy, A$AP Rocky fits brilliantly here. "Whiskey". It's simply the best. Better than all the rest.

If you're interested in additional album rankings, follow the links below:

    Taylor Swift - folklore

    Paramore - After Laughter

    Ed Sheeran - No.6 Collaborations Project