Cinematic Chronicles

"And that's not even the best part. I got us tickets to see Ed Sheeran !" You know, a lot of people think Taylor Swift discovered him... Warning: there are spoilers ahead. Heavy on the Biblical motif, Meredith Alloway's 2026 film  Forbidden Fruits sees female leads Apple, Cherry, and Fig working (or perhaps more accurately, playing ) at Free Eden, a clothing store in a Texas mall. When the trio meet a food court worker named Pumpkin (Lola Tung), they invite her to stay and become part of their after-hour coven -- conducting rituals in the store's basement, prohibiting relationships with men, and confessing their sins to the spirit of Marilyn Monroe. Pumpkin gifts the coven leader, Apple (Lili Reinhart), a doll containing a hidden camera to spy on the coven's activities, whilst a blissfully unaware Apple actually nicknames the doll "Marilyn". Her motive still unclear, Pumpkin continues to observe and collect information about Apple's micromanagem...

"Family reunions can be challenging."  As can killing immortal members of a Satanic cult, particularly when their names are written on a severed pig's head. Regal Theatres Monday's Mystery Movie (3/23) was revealed to be  They Will Kill You , co-written and directed by Russian filmmaker Kirill Sokolov. Warning: there are spoilers below. And above. Sokolov's 2026 film   tells the story of Asia and Maria Reaves, sisters who were separated after Asia shot their abusive father and was arrested, while Maria remained in his custody. A decade later, following her prison sentence, Asia arrives at "The Virgil" -- an exclusive, century-old building in New York that houses the wealthy and elite. Posing as a maid under a false identity, she introduces herself to building manager Lilith Woodhouse (Patricia Arquette), and is shown to her room. The conflict escalates quickly . While sleeping that night, Asia is ambushed by several masked introducers, who are surprised...

"Now we all have hepatitis." The long-anticipated sequel to 2018's I Can Only Imagine features John Michael Finley reprising his role as MercyMe lead vocalist Bart Millard. Warning: there are spoilers ahead. Following a significant time jump, "I Can Only Imagine" has become the most successful song in the history of Christian radio. Unfortunately, Bart struggles to navigate the complexities of his personal life, as a rigorous touring schedule repeatedly takes him away from his wife and their five children -- particularly their son Sam, who was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes following a childhood seizure. As the story unfolds, Sam begins to resent Bart for constantly nagging him over his blood sugar level, but as an aspiring musician himself, quickly agrees to join his father on the road for MercyMe's upcoming tour. Band manager Scott Brickell soon reveals fellow Christian singer Tim Timmons as the opening act for the tour. While on the road, Timmons takes a ...

"Fist my bump." In the film adaptation of Andy Weir's 2021 novel Project Hail Mary , science teacher Ryland Grace (Ryan Gosling) awakens from a coma aboard a spacecraft light years from Earth and realizes that he is the sole survivor on board. Warning: there are spoilers ahead. Over a span of two and a half hours, this film interweaves two separate narratives: Grace's current predicament up in space, and the events that led to his fateful journey. In the past timeline, scientists discover a microorganism known as Astrophage, whose increasing presence on the Sun threatens a disastrous global cooling on Earth. Government agent Eva Stratt recruits Grace and other scientists to study Astrophage, before unveiling her ultimate plan: "Project Hail Mary". Stratt intends to send a crew on a suicide mission to Tau Ceti, the only unaffected nearby star, aboard a spacecraft containing only enough fuel for a one-way trip. However, when an Astrophage-related mishap kills ...

"I don't need tips because my fake boyfriend, Derek, makes bank." If you weren't satisfied with Grace MacCaullay outlasting her husband and his entire family in that initial, twisted game of "Hide and Seek", Samara Weaving is back to reprise her role seven years later -- as several elite families attempt to murder Grace and her estranged sister, Faith. Warning: there are spoilers ahead. Following Grace's unlikely victory on her wedding night -- and the subsequent demise of the entire Le Domas family -- the remaining members of an elite Council reunite with a simple goal in mind: kill Grace before dawn to acquire the High Seat and a mysterious ring of power. Elijah Wood enters the fray as "The Lawyer", explaining the rules of this new game to the remaining family members (because nobody knows more about mysterious rings than that man). Contenders for the High Seat include siblings Ursula and Titus Danforth, Wan Chen Xing, Viraj Rajan, Ignacio El...

"I should probably go." "You should probably stay." Colleen Hoover's Reminders of Him tells the story of Kenna Rowan (Maika Monroe), a young woman who seeks to reconnect with her daughter after serving a prison sentence. Warning: there are spoilers ahead. After pleading guilty to vehicular manslaughter for an accident resulting in the death of her boyfriend, Scotty Landry, Kenna is forced to spend half a decade in prison. Upon her release, she moves back to her hometown in hopes of finally meeting her five-year-old daughter Diem, who is being raised by Scotty's parents. Kenna ultimately stumbles into a bar where she finally meets Ledger Ward (Tyriq Withers), Scotty's lifelong best friend who was an NFL player during their relationship. When Ledger realizes Kenna's true identity, he is furious -- blaming her for Scotty's death, he refuses to introduce her to Diem. However, a series of flashbacks soon reveal that Scotty's death was, indeed , an...

A film for those who think Lake Bell kinda sucks. Regal Theatres Monday's Mystery Movie (3/16) was revealed to be Fantasy Life , written and directed by Matthew Shear. Warning: there are spoilers ahead. Shear concurrently stars in the film as Sam, an anxious tax lawyer who pays a visit to his therapist after being let go from his job. As Sam exits the office, his therapist's wife/secretary suggests that he babysit their granddaughters. Her son David and his wife Dianne have three daughters between the ages of 6 and 11, and at a generous rate of $300 per night, this setup might have worked well for Sam -- had he not fallen for Dianne (Amanda Peet). Dianne is a former actress who has lost her sense of purpose following a decade of unemployment. When Sam enters her life, she finally feels seen again. Meanwhile, her husband David is portrayed as an alcoholic, wanna-be rockstar who leaves the continent on tour and practically thrusts his wife into the arms of their "manny...

So you want to catch a movie released on Friday the 13th . . . In an era of horror dominated by jump scares, Ian Tuason's Undertone is a minimalistic film that relies almost entirely on sound and unconventional camera shots to create an unsettling atmosphere. The protagonist of this story is Evangeline "Evy" Babig (played by Nina Kiri), who runs a horror podcast alongside her off-screen friend Justin (Adam DiMarco). Warning: there are spoilers ahead . As the plot develops, Justin receives an anonymous email containing ten audio files, recorded by an unknown couple -- Mike and Jessa.  Mike has recorded Jessa at night to capture evidence of her talking and singing in her sleep.  During their podcast, Evy and Justin begin playing these recordings in reverse to uncover secret messages within Jessa's ramblings. Mike, kill all. Lick the blood off. Come in, Abyzou. In her breaks from podcasting, Evy has been tasked with caring for her comatose mother. She feels very guilty a...

Who doesn't love a self-aware animated film? "Guys, this is like Avatar !" exclaims Mabel Tanaka, protagonist of Daniel Chong's  Hoppers . "This is nothing like Avatar !" cries Dr. Sam in response. Spoiler alert... it was kind of like Avatar . Warning: there are actual spoilers ahead . Pixar's latest installment revolves around a teenage girl with a particular affinity for animals.  Inspired by her late grandmother, Mabel seeks to protect a nearby glade from being destroyed by (perceived antagonist) Mayor Jerry's freeway project.  After discovering experimental technology allowing a human mind to “hop” into a robotic animal body, Mabel transfers her consciousness into a robotic beaver and decides to live among the animals to better understand their society. While in disguise, she befriends Mammal King George and helps unite a variety of species in the forest while battling a guilty conscience about her true identity. In this film's climax, the a...

Regal Theatres present Monday's Mystery Movie: Horror Edition (3/9) .  For just $5, fans gain access to a movie before its official release date, with the sole caveat being that the film remains a mystery to all until house lights are dimmed. This week's film was revealed to be  Slanted , starring Shirley Chen and Mckenna Grace.  Warning: there are spoilers ahead. Written and directed by Amy Wang, Slanted tells the story of an insecure Chinese-American girl who undergoes experimental ethnic modification surgery to appear white. As the story progresses, our protagonist Joan Huang becomes Jo Hunt in an effort to gain peer acceptance and be voted Prom Queen -- to the exasperation of both her parents and best friend. While there are elements of horror, specifically in the film's final scene as Joan frantically attempts to tear off her new face, it was tough as an audience member to shake the expectation of a horror film and adjust to this Disneyesque story about societal pres...

Reimagine Bride of Frankenstein . Make it quirky. Make it intriguing. And then make it drag somewhat aimlessly for over two hours. Welcome to 2026 cinema. Warning: there are spoilers ahead . Written and directed by Maggie Gyllenhaal, The Bride! stars Jessie Buckley and Christian Bale, both of whom give strong performances despite an often convoluted and purposeless narrative. The film's premise is simple enough: a lonely Frankenstein approaches Dr. Euphronius with the request to create a suitable companion for him. Together, they decide to dig up and reanimate a corpse.  Bring Ida to life. Evanescence would approve, right? Throughout the film, the pair are pursued intently by law enforcement for a variety of crimes, including (but not limited to) Ida's choice to bite a police officer's tongue out of his mouth, à la Rick Grimes. Ultimately, "Frank" proposes to Ida, the reanimated corpse of his life, but his proposal is rejected moments before he is fatally shot in...

Ghostface is back .  "Show me four popcorn right now, or you're dead." (A little humor for those who have played Funko's Scream party game.) Warning: there are spoilers ahead . In the latest installment of the Scream franchise, Sidney Prescott has built a new life for herself in Pine Grove, Indiana. She is married to a police officer and has a teenage daughter named Tatum, who will quickly become the focal point of Ghostface's attacks. As typical of a Scream film, a slew of innocent people are murdered in brutal fashion to build tension that our protagonist or other beloved franchise staples could be next. (McKenna Grace characters really can't catch a break in these films lately.) We are actually treated to three Ghostface killers in this edition, as Gale Weathers makes her dramatic entrance by running over the first masked man with her car -- a former mental institute patient by the name of Karl Gibbs. As the film progresses, it is ultimately revealed that...

Nothing quite says "welcome to the blog" like a review of some run-of-the-mill slasher film. Alexa, play "Psycho Killer" by Talking Heads. Written by Andrew Kevin Walker and directed by Gavin Polone, Psycho Killer tells the story of a police officer (portrayed by Georgina Campbell) who tracks down a serial killer after witnessing her husband's violent murder while on duty. Richard Joshua Reeves (The Slasher) is a Satanist who slaughters a number of people in a variety of graphic ways throughout the film, including a pharmacist to fuel his drug addiction, and a priest whose blood he drinks quite vigorously. Charming. Reeves is able to maneuver in anonymity as the public believes that he died many years prior, having reportedly been shot by a prison guard he attacked while on death row (for -- you guessed it -- mass murder). His ultimate mission this time around? To destroy a nuclear power plant in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania in a suicide mission that is said to ...

I've been looking for ways to revamp my blog for quite a while now, and then it hit me... I am a Regal Unlimited member. No, this isn't a shameless plug for Regal Theatres. However, I have already seen 17 films in the cinema in 2026. Here is that list: Cold Storage Crime 101 Dracula GOAT Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die How To Make A Killing Iron Lung Marty Supreme Mercy Primate Send Help Solo Mio Song Sung Blue The SpongeBob Movie: Search for SquarePants This Is Not A Test Whistle Wuthering Heights Why not reflect and share my opinions on each of these experiences? Enter Cinematic Chronicles . With each new movie I catch, I will provide a brief synopsis, some thoughts on the film, and a ranking on a scale from 1 to 10. I'm not a movie critic by any means, but if you were half as bored as I was during Iron Lung , this blog might be for you. Feel free to fill up my comment section like Jett Fillmore fills up the hoop during the Roarball postseason. Happy watching!

When the San Jose Sharks drafted teenage phenom Macklin Celebrini with the first overall pick in the 2024 NHL Entry Draft, the hockey world felt certain it was only a matter of time before Team Teal became relevant again -- however, their 2025-2026 campaign has made it clear that this team is, indeed, ahead of schedule. Following a thrilling comeback victory in Pittsburgh last Saturday, I thought it might be fun to revisit some of the Sharks' most memorable victories of the season thus far. Let the countdown begin :) 10. November 8 vs. Florida (W 3-1) This one almost feels like an honorable mention. There's an argument to be made for replacing it with San Jose's 6-1 victory in Seattle just three days prior. Perhaps the team simply ran out of gas after playing three games in four nights. In many ways, it felt as though the Sharks jumped out to an early 2-0 lead, suddenly forgot how to play hockey, and went into some kind of prevent defense to fend off the two-time defending ...

On June 11, 2021, Maroon 5 delighted fans across the globe with the release of their seventh studio album,  Jordi -- a tribute to the band's late manager Jordan Feldstein, who passed away in 2017. While the band's fanbase has been generally receptive of their latest effort, Maroon 5 critics provide mixed reviews at best, scrutinizing the group once again for producing "depthless" pop music, and describing the album as "lackluster" and "forgettable". Nonetheless,  Jordi would quickly garner international success on brand name alone, as Maroon 5 remains one of the most well-known ensembles in the world. With two months now firmly in the rearview, here's a look at the Spotify play count of all 14 tracks on  Jordi 's deluxe edition, arranged by popularity. 1. Memories (1,235,564,787 streams) 2. Beautiful Mistakes (244,091,342 streams) 3. Nobody's Love (132,862,809 streams) 4. Lifestyle (95,293,396 streams) 5. Lost (31,675,612 streams) 6. E...

While the San Jose Sharks haven't yet had the luxury of playing at SAP Center this season (now slated to open their campaign with 12 consecutive road games), an abbreviated 56-game schedule provides "Team Teal" with little room for error. The Sharks entered Friday's contest against their Southern California rivals with an unflattering record of 3-5-0 on the young season.  All things considered, their fortunes could have been much worse. San Jose's first two victories of 2021 came by way of the shootout, while their third was secured courtesy of a brilliant individual effort from six-time NHL All Star Brent Burns. Meanwhile, the Sharks' losing efforts have typically been less tightly contested, including a dominant two-game stint from the Colorado Avalanche -- outscoring San Jose by seven goals. Thus, adopting a simple mindset seemed necessary on Friday: find a way to emerge from the first of back-to-back games in Anaheim with two points. Although the Sharks ex...

While professional sports are unpredictable by nature, millions of viewers across the globe can't help but weigh in with their unofficial analyses of star players, championship caliber teams, and other miscellaneous coverage. However, even the most astute sports analyst could not have projected a more perfectly scripted Super Bowl LV matchup for February 7, 2021. The headlines circling a winner-take-all contest between the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Kansas City Chiefs are nothing short of iconic. 43-year-old Tom Brady (presumably the greatest quarterback in NFL history) against 25-year-old Patrick Mahomes (indisputably the greatest quarterback of the new generation).  Mahomes was merely in Kindergarten when Brady clinched his first Lombardi Trophy in February 2002. Will the Chiefs' superstar usher in a new era by upending Brady to claim his second consecutive title? Or will the former Patriot singlehandedly surpass all 32 NFL franchises by snagging his seventh trophy in his 10th ...

For the Golden State Warriors, the 2010s were nothing short of remarkable. Having spent four decades mired in mediocrity, the Bay Area's team finally managed to assemble a dominant lineup en route to securing three championships, qualifying for the NBA Finals in five consecutive seasons from 2015 to 2019. While the basketball world largely fixated on the Warriors' iconic 73-9 record during the 2015-2016 season (as well as their subsequent NBA Finals' collapse and recruitment of phenom Kevin Durant), the history books will illuminate an unforgettable period of time in which rising superstars joined forces to immortalize their respective legacies. Unfortunately for Golden State, impermanence remains the harsh reality of professional sports, and the Warriors' reign of terror came to a screeching halt in the summer of 2019. In Game 5 of the 2019 NBA Finals, two-time defending NBA Finals MVP Kevin Durant suffered a ruptured Achilles tendon (ending not only his season, but hi...